Mother: I am not a nag, I just want help carrying the load. There was an article titled Women aren’t nags, we are just fed up. The writer was talking about the emotional labor that women can’t get men to understand. It had never occurred to me to give it a name, but I get what she is saying. It is not that we can’t ask for help from our significant other its that it is an additional burden to have to do so.
Most men haven’t been raised to put any consideration into the running of a home. They understand that food needs bought and cooked and that children need care, but the details of this escape them. In my opinion, men are more into maintenance. What I don’t understand is how they can see that the yard needs to be mowed but not that their socks need to be picked up.
My thing is if I have to give directions or clean up after I will do it myself. Husband was “helping” with the laundry on Monday by putting the dried clothes on top of the dryer so he could put the wet ones in the dryer. And the dried items were left where he put them. How were these things suppose to get put away? If I say anything that is not an attaboy I am a nag.
A girlfriend of mine told the story of the “help” she got from her spouse. She had a meeting she had to attend and was having mulch delivered on the same day. Husband agreed to be home for the delivery and assist with spreading the mulch. When she got home that evening, she found the rake, wheelbarrow and garden hose in the middle of the yard. She followed the trail of mulch through the house to the deck where the husband was having a beer. Then after telling her how hard he had worked that day, he asks “what’s for dinner?” It was a task for him for her it would have been a usual day.
We as women seem to take on the responsibility of doing the emotional labor for our homes. Most of the time we arrange child care, shop, plan vacations, schedule appointments, keep our eye on the budget plus work a full-time job. We juggle everything that has to do with running a home and taking care of a family. And there is no way to get someone else to take the emotional burden that comes with the labor. And possibly we take more emotional responsibility then is necessary.
My take is that men and women look at things differently. We see the bigger picture they look at the task. For instance yes your spouse can do the grocery shopping, but because he doesn’t always shop he will go by the list we gave him. We, on the other hand, know what we need plus what we have on hand so will only use the list as a guideline.
Some feel that raising our sons not gender specific will help make them more well rounded. I think we shouldn’t be giving our sons a pass on what in the past was considered the woman’s responsibility.
What are your thoughts? Are you expecting your sons to do the same chores as your daughters?
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